One Flesh; A Biblical View of Marriage

Two years ago I pinched a nerve in my back working out with my son. Truth be told, I was probably lifting much heavier than I should have been as I tried to keep up with him. The mind was willing, but the flesh was in it’s mid 40’s. For the next few months, I paid dearly for allowing my male ego to over take my common sense. Due to mistreating my body, major problems began to appear.

In the weeks after failing in my feat of strength, my feet began to go numb. Have you ever had you feet go to sleep on you? You know, that feeling of pins and needles when you sit in one place for too long? Well that is how my feet began to feel all the time. Even when I was walking, it was as if my feet were asleep. 

I went to the doctor and got an MRI of my spine. Sure enough, the results came back showing that I had a pinched nerve between one of my vertebra. But it was not as menial as a mere pinched nerve. The nerve was pinched because one of the disks on my spine was bulging and pressing down upon it. The compressed nerve was the cause of my sleeping feet. 

I began physical therapy in order to rectify the problem. Around the time of this diagnosis, I went to a pastors conference in Atlanta. There were thousands of pastors and ministry leaders at this event. Between one of the sessions, I went out into the lobby to grab something to eat. There were tons of people in the hall, and I spotted a good friend of mine that I had not seen in years. 

My buddy spotted me as well, and we began eagerly walking towards one another. Keep in mind, I still could not feel my feet at this time. And as I attempted to speed walk over to my friend, I ended up tripping over my dead feet. I fell literally flat on my face in front of my friend and the hundreds of other pastors who were walking that lobby at that time. 

I was mortified. After picking myself up and spending a few minutes catching up with my friend, I began to walk back to the hotel room. And it may sound crazy,  but I was actually furious with my feet! I felt totally embarrassed. And as I walked, I was stomping my feet on the ground trying to wake them up. I’ve never been angry at a body part, but on this day, my feet were my enemy.

I use this example to segway back to the topic of marriage, piggy backing on my post from yesterday. Marriage has been a subject that has really been on my heart for the past few weeks. Recently I have witnessed so many people that I personally know profess that they are ready to walk away from their marriages for one reason or another. They have a wrong view of marriage, and a faulty understanding of how we are to see our spouse. And in the decision to annul their marital union, they end up not only harming their spouse, but themselves as well.

Think back to the example I began with regarding my sleepy feet. Imagine that I was beyond angry at my feet. I was furious. Imagine that as I shared my tragic story with you, I said that I was so angry that I was ready to just cut my feet off. “These feet of mine have disappointed and embarrassed me for the last time. So because they no longer act like I want them to act, I’m just going to lop off these parts of my body. I’m better off in the long run without them.” I profess in front of you, “I hate my feet, so off they go.”

Listening to me, you would have to discern one of two things. Either I took too many of those funny little red pain management pills from my physical therapist. Or I had gone clinically insane. Because no person in their right mind would ever cut off a part of their body due to it displeasing or failing them.

Now with this crazy scenario in mind, read what the Apostle Paul writes about marriage….

“In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.” Ephesians 5:28-30.

This is astonishing. God literally views marriage as two people becoming one flesh. Husband and wives are to care for one another in the same way that they would nurture for their literal bodies. Paul says that “No one ever hated his own flesh.” This is a common sense statement. Of course no one hates their flesh. We may get frustrated with our flesh at times. But again, I have never heard of a person hating a part of their flesh so much that they are willing to physically separate from it. Because it would leave them mutilated. They would no longer be whole.  

This is how the Lord views marriage. This is how God intended for us to view our spouses. The mentality in marriage should never be, “I’ll keep them around as long as I am satisfied.” Our personal, temporal, ever changing satisfaction plays no part in how God sees the union of a man and a woman. Quite literally, in God’s eyes they are one. 

No one ever hates their own flesh. And no one would ever sever a portion of flesh from their body due to their dissatisfaction. If a part of our bodies is not functioning properly, we don’t cut it off. We take steps to rectify the problem. We take steps to heal the wound, regardless of how much time it takes. 

Now imagine if husbands and wives valued their union together in this way. Separation of any kind would be inconceivable. Because they would rightly see themselves as one flesh. And because they would see themselves and their marriage through the lens of eternity. 

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Ephesians 5:31-32.

And as I wrote in yesterday’s blog, this mystery of marriage gets even more profound. Because it mirrors the image of Christ and His church. The church is the living bride of Christ. And we are collectively referred to as the body of Christ. Jesus sees His bride as actually being part of His body! Do you see it now?

You may say, “You have no idea how badly my spouse has hurt me!” But consider this; Each time you sin against God, it is a betrayal of His goodness and love towards you. How often do we put worldly things before Christ? Yet His promise to never forsake His bride is never shaken or swayed. Jesus views His bride as being His own body. 

In the same way as a husband and wife are joined together as one body. The church, Jesus bride, is called the body of Christ. And because of His unchanging promises to the church, Jesus would never cut off His bride. 

“Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.” 1 Corinthians 12:27.

You may be asking, “How can I begin to love my spouse as Christ loves His church? How can I restore my desire to pour into my spouse? How can we restore love to relationship that has been neglected?” Here are some practical ways to begin to love your spouse as Christ has commanded.

First, begin to pray FOR your spouse.

Do not pray accusatory prayers towards your spouse. Pray genuinely that God would change you both from the inside out. Regardless of how you may feel towards them. Do not allow your feelings to lead your actions. Look to the example of Christ who chose to pray for His bride as He was hanging on the cross, dying for her sins against Him. 

“And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.” Luke 23:34.

Pray WITH your Spouse.

Men, this is directed primarily towards you. It is our job to lead our wives. It is our God given duty to cover them with the Word of God. If you have never done this, it will most likely be awkward at first. I am a pastor, and I am used to praying in front of a crowd. It’s much more difficult to pray aloud over my wife. Because she knows me better than anyone. 

Praying over your spouse is one of the most intimate things that you could ever do together. Men, pray aloud over your wife that God would equip you daily to lead her to know and love Christ more. Pray for her heart, and pray for your heart. Pray that the Lord would knit you together in a way that mirrors the words of the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5. 

Commit to a new practice in your home of praying together as husband and wife daily. Sometimes your prayers may be short and to the point. But other times, you will be amazed and the words that flow out of you. The more you pray together, the easier and more routine it will become. Be sure that you are both part of a local church under the teaching of scripture weekly. As your devotion to pray and follow Christ together grows, so will your love and affection for your spouse. 

You marriage is your garden. You get out of it what you put in. And if the garden goes through a time of drought, it only means that it’s time to start watering it with the Word of God. Water renews all things, especially the water of the word of God. A dry garden that is watered and nurtured will begin to grow.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,” Ephesians 5:25.

Tell your spouse that you love them daily.

Once more, do this irregardless of how your may be feeling towards them. Look again to the example of Christ, who chose to love in spite of the pain that was thrust upon Him due to her sins against Him. Remember, do not be led by your feelings. Let your choice lead your feelings, because they will follow. 

Put Your Spouse Above Yourself. 

Take time to meditation in the scriptures on the person and work of Jesus Christ. Consider how just one transgression should rightly place us under the wrath of God. And gaze upon the God man upon the cross who took upon Himself the full wrath of the Father. He took the punishment that we, His bride, deserved. He gave His earthly life for her. His bride was unlovable. And she had her face set against Him in her sins. As undeserving as Christ’s bride was, He put her needs before Himself to the point of death.

“But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5.

This is the way Jesus Christ loves His bride, the church. He does not hold a grudge. He does not consider past transgressions. 

“For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.” Hebrews 8:12.

And Jesus is the one who took the first step towards reconciliation with His wayward bride. How does Jesus love His bride? Without condition, always willing and ready to forgive regardless of how tarnished with sin she may be. 

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” Ephesians 5:25.

Repent Before God and Your Spouse.

Stop looking at how your spouse has sinned against you, and instead begin to look at how you have sinned against them. Stop casting blame and instead extend grace. Ask the Lord in prayer to reveal to you the error of your ways as it pertains to your marriage. And then vow to set a course correction, without excuse. Once again, when your choice leads your actions, your feelings will follow. 

Husbands, we are commanded to love our wives as Christ has loved the church. In short, we are to readily be willing to give our lives for the sake of our bride. And feelings have nothing to do with the matter. This is what dying to self is all about. We read the portions of scripture about dying to self. Marriage is our opportunity to practice what we preach and see in scripture.

Wives are to love their husbands with the same unconditional love, submitting to their spiritual leadership as unto the Lord. However, there are times where the husband is not leading his wife spiritually. How can a wife follow and submit to a husband that is not leading her? Peter has given a word on how wives should conduct themselves when the husband is apathetic.

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” 1 Peter 3:1-2.

Wives, love your husband without condition. Why? Because your decision to love them unconditionally may be what begins to change their heart. This may take time. It may take patience. But we look to the example of our Lord who was and is always patient with us in His love.

“And count the patience of our Lord as salvation, just as our beloved brother Paul also wrote to you according to the wisdom given him,” 2 Peter 2:15.

Look for opportunities to show your spouse that you love them.

Write them notes. Text them just to say “I love you.” Grab his or her hand randomly in public or just lounging on the couch. Make it a habit not to leave the house without kissing them goodbye. Other than your time with the Lord, let loving your spouse be one of the first things that comes to your mind each day. Create a longing in your heart to be gracious and compassionate towards them. Because this is how Jesus has loved you.

“Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore He rises to show you compassion, for the LORD is a just God. Blessed are all who wait for Him.” Isaiah 30:18.

Build a spiritual hedge of protection around your marriage. There was an evangelical fad in the early 90’s where Christians would wear WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) bands around their wrists. I think a better statement would be to consider and ask the question, “What Has Jesus Done?” Always look to the example to lead and guide you in your marriage. Let the selfless and sacrificial way that the Savior has loved you be your guide in loving your spouse. 

Glorify Christ Together

When you have a household where the husband and wife are putting one another’s needs above their own, that is the love of Christ on display. When you have a husband that is willing to give his life for his bride, that is the love of Christ on display. When you have a bride that desires to win her husband over with love regardless of his shortcomings, that is the love of Christ on display. 

A broken marriage disfigures and perverts the image of Christ and His church. God created marriage so that the Gospel would be put on physical display. Marriage is a picture of God’s love, promise, and commitment to His bride. No one ever hated their own flesh. In Christ, your spouse is as your own flesh. They are a part of you. And when husbands and wives love one another as Christ loves the church, it will build (or rebuild) a marriage that is stronger than any version of love that the world could ever imagine. By God’s grace, you will build a marriage that will stand the test of eternity for the glory of Christ.