The Beauty of Brokenness

There once lived a man who was soon to be married. As a wedding gift, this man decided to carve a statue for his bride. He went to a master sculptor in order to take lessons and learn how to make the most beautiful statue. As he studied the lessons, the man thought to himself that some of the methods given to him by the master sculptor seemed difficult. And so he decided to take short cuts in crafting his statue. When the man had finally completed his statue, it looked very much like a model of himself. It was flawed and so very rough around the edges. But the man was blind to the statue’s imperfections. He loved the statue, because it looked so much like what he saw in the mirror. And the man loved himself tremendously.

One day, the master sculptor came to visit the man. Upon entering his house, he saw the statue that the man was going to give to his bride. The man proudly boasted of his creation, and began to boast of his handy work to the master. But the master sculptor was displeased at the finished product. He knew that the statue was riddled with flaws and that that it contained small cracks that would only continue to spread as time went on. 

The master knew that the man’s bride may initially love the statue, but over time the imperfections would overtake it’s beauty, ultimately causing the state to break and crumble. You see, the statue brought out beauty of the man, and was a reflection of the man. It really was not focused at all on the bride. And so because the master loved the man and his wife, he did the most loving thing that he could do. He smashed the statue into thousands of little pieces. 

The man was devastated. He was heartbroken. He had committed a great deal of time to building this statue. Everything that the man had worked for and thought he knew was now destroyed. But the master took all of the broken pieces of the man’s statue, and he began to slowly put it back together. The process was painful, because as the man watched the master work, he began to see and understand how flawed his creation had been. As the master heated the broken clay and began to remold this work of art, it was as if the man could internally feel the pain of the statue being reworked and chiseled. The rough edges eventually became smooth. And the cracks within the mold began to disappear. 

When the master was finally done, he called the man and his bride to be in to look at the rebuilt statue. It was breath taking. But it looked nothing like the statue that the man had originally built. Instead of the statue looking like the man, it looked more like the master sculptor’s son. The sculptor’s son was beautiful, without blemish or flaw., and altogether lovely. And instead of the statue reflecting the beauty of the man, strangely, it reflected and brought out the beauty of the bride. And as the man looked to the beauty of the statue throughout his life, he began to more and more like the sculptor’s son.  Whenever someone would gaze upon the new statue, it now brought much glory to the master sculptor, and the statue served as a life long reminder to the bride of the love her husband had for her. Because the statue was now rebuilt to stand the test of time.

Although allegorical in nature, this little story points us to a much greater supernatural reality. 

If it were not already obvious, God is the master sculptor, and Jesus is represented by the sculptors son. The greatest gift that God can give a man is break him. And the greatest gift that God can give to a wife is to break her husband. This brokenness pertains to wives as well. It is the nature of the sinful human heart to be self focused and to seek glory for themselves. But the Lord has called us to deny ourselves and to seek His glory first in all things. To do this requires repentance and a change in our minds and priorities. And this change cannot come about without God smashing us to pieces.

We are all fallen in sin. But the extent of our fallen nature is far greater than we could ever imagine. In the fall of Adam, mankind lost their focus. Instead of looking to God, man began to look to self. Our temporal lusts and fleshly desires become our top priorities while God lingers faintly as an afterthought. So when God truly regenerates and saves a man or a women, it always begins with breaking them. And brokenness is never pleasant at the outset. So the question I want every professing Christian to consider is, “Can their be true repentance without brokenness?” Lets go a step farther. Can their be true salvation without brokenness? 

Contemplate your own salvation for a moment. Has God ever brought you to the point of brokenness? As you heard and read the scriptures, did the sins and transgressions that you once loved begin to come to the forefront of your mind? And did you then begin to despise them? Were you brought to a sorrowful and heartbroken state of repentance before the Lord? I would argue that brokenness is an absolute prerequisite to salvation. Because God cannot make a man into a new creation without breaking him down and rebuilding him from scratch.

I love reading the Psalms, because of their honesty. In the book of Psalm, we hear the gutteral cries of the human heart. We see pain and true lament over sin. Consider King David, who was an adulterer and a murderer. When the Lord brought David’s sins before him, his repentance was not flippant. David did not turn away from his sins only to wishfully glance back at them every once in a while. David was broken. David was crushed. David’s confession was not due to his commitment to external religion. Something happened within David’s heart. Something changed his priorities and desires. David could not rejoice because his sin was ever before him. And it left David feeling as if his bones had been crushed. In Psalm 51, king David is experience suffering due to the Lord breaking his heart of stone and replacing it with a heart of flesh.

“Let me hear joy and gladness;let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” Psalm 51:8-12.

God delights in a man or a woman that has been broken. Because beauty emerges from the ashes. Only in brokenness can true sorrow over sin come forth. Unless we despise the rebel actions that we once lived in, we can never truly desire repentance and conformity to God. 

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Psalm 51:17.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18.

This brings us to the concept of marriage. But not just any marriage, the Christian’s marriage. Consider the town of Vanity Fair in John Bunyan’s classic allegory of the Christian life, Pilgrims Progress. Many pilgrims (or professing Christians) that were traveling the road to the Celestial City (Heaven) traveled through the town of Vanity Fair. And as they traveled, the enemies of the Good King (Jesus Christ) were selling all of their attractive wares in attempts to lure pilgrims off of the path. Although many pilgrims had started off strong in their travels to the Celestial Kingdom, the lures and sights of Vanity Fair pulled some of them off of the path. And many made the town their new home.

As Christians in the 21st century, we so often neglect to live in obedience to Christ due to the Vanity Fair that we live in. And this is most apparent within our marriages. Paul Washer once said that marriage was God’s most powerful tool of sanctification for a person. It is also the highest calling of a man in particular this side of Heaven. Christian men are not called to merely treat their wives good. Christian men are called to love their wives in an unearthly way. At the root of this calling is the idea of dying to self. This is more than a willingness to give ones life for their spouse. This is sacrificing time and prioritizing loving and leading a bride as Christ has loved and led His church. 

Even within many Christian marriages, many men are presenting their wives with proverbial statues of themselves that reflect a selfish heart. Their job, hobbies, and desire to just veg out at the end of a busy day take precedence over their duties to pray over their wives and wash them in the water of God’s word daily. As a result, the wife’s beauty takes a backseat to the man’s personal agenda. And the statue that is the man’s marriage reflects his personal desires rather than obedience to Christ.

As Christian men, we know (or should know) passages of scripture such as Ephesians chapter 5 like the back of our hands. We know that God has commanded us to lead our wives spiritually. But it is more common than not for this practice to be completely neglected. And the excuses are aplenty. “Pastor I just don’t have enough hours in the day.” Or “I don’t know how to do this.” But we always make time for the things that we love. And we always find ways to do the things that we are passionate about. 

Men, the greatest gift you can give to your wife is to lead her as Christ has called you to do. The greatest gift that you can give your family is a new statue that reflects Jesus Christ more than your desk calendar. Our mindset should never be, “I don’t have time to pray and read the scriptures with my wife.” Our mindset should be, “I can’t afford not to pray and read the scriptures with my wife.” It’s not that Christian men don’t have time. We have to make time.

So how do we do this? It is utterly impossible outside of the power of Christ. In your own power, you will always fail. Start by praying that God would give you a heart for Him. Pray for it daily. Cry out to God with the passion of King David. But be warned, this is a dangerous prayer. Because God will give you what you sincerely ask for. And true repentance always begins with a brokenness over sin and neglected obedience. When God changes a man, he breaks down everything that he was, so that he may build him back in the image of His Son. 

Then being obedient to lead, pray over, and wash your wife in the Word are really simple after the brokenness occurs. God replaces the sinful heart of indifference with a heart to be a man. He gives the new man a heart that desires obedience to Christ. God made man, and only God can define what makes a man. And according to His word, a Godly man is one what prioritizes the spiritual well being of his wife over anything else. True love is seen in conforming to the commands and ways of Christ. 

And in this heart change, as you walk in obedience putting the spiritual needs of your wife first, something beautiful will happen. The love that you have for your wife will actually begin to increase day by day. When a husband and wife spend daily time together in prayer and reading the word of God. After years of marriage, Dr. Martyn Lloyd Jones wrote this letter to his wife Bethan;

“My dear Bethan, 

         As I have told you many, many times, the passing of the years does nothing but deepen and intensify my love for you.  When I think of those days in London in 1925 and ’26, when I thought that no greater love was possible, I could laugh.  But honestly, during this last year I had come to believe that it was not possible for a man to love his wife more than I loved you.  And yet I see that there is no end to love, and that it is still true that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”  I am quite certain that there is no lover, anywhere, writing to his girl who is quite as mad about her as I am.“

This is not the writings of a newly wed man. This is a profession of love from a man that has led his wife after Christ. And he attests to the fact that his love only intensifies as the years pass by. You see, the key to marital bliss is Christ! The key to a love that grows is Christ! These are the feelings of a man captivated by leading his wife after Christ. Through prayer and time together in God’s word, the husband begins be conformed more and more into the image of Jesus. And the beauty of his bride shines through as he washes her daily in the transforming water of the word. 

The command for men to love their wives in an Ephesians 5 kind of way is not given to burden anyone. Rather, it is the greatest blessing that God can give a husband and wife. Pray for God to shatter the selfish and sinful parts of you men, and allow Him to rebuild as a man that reflects Christ in how he leads and loves his bride. Pray daily over your bride and wash her with the sanctifying waters of God’s word. Prioritize this over everything. Give her less of you, and more of Christ.